Tarot Homework Day 1

So Theo asked us to work with the Major Arcana cards for this next week. We are to pull a card each day and find how it connects to the current day. 

As I mentioned in the previous post, we are working with Doreen Virtue's Angel Tarot Cards.

It's a Saturday morning and my usual routine is to crawl out and come alive sometime around 10-ish in the morning. However, today didn't work quite like that. 

I've been awake since about 5 am. YUCK! Not up, just awake. Well I drifted back off for a few minutes. Anyway you get the picture. So my brother-in-law calls at 8:30. He needs to use my PC to print some stuff he needs. For the first morning, in I don't know how long, I did not have to drag myself out of bed. If you've read any of my other posts, you'd know lack of motivation has been a big thing for me lately. 

I got up, put myself together, walked the dogs, and as I'm shuffling my cards I hear his truck pull up out front. I know the card I'm going to pull before I ever pull it. I know because I'm in a hurry to pull it and put my cards away as if to hide the evidence of wrongdoing.

Normally I just pull the top card, but no not today. I fanned the cards out and grabbed.

BAM! I pulled the Ego card, in traditional decks it's known as the Devil card.

Dammit! I fuss at my guides cause I can feel them nagging at me. I hurry and put my cards away before my brother-in-law makes it to the door. They fuss at me more for hiding the cards, for hiding who I am. 

I get it! I get the cards back out and place my card for the day on the chest in my room.

So moving on....he and my cousin leave and I decide to grab a bite for breakfast. All the while I'm still pissed I pulled this Ego card again. Yeah, I pulled it last night at class too.

Last night Theo shared that this is a family card. I didn't understand how he got that but it made since at that time with the rest of my reading. 

Since 5 am the Ego card has been on my brain. Trying to figure out how it means family. Well, that's still not jumping out at me, but something else is. 

In the Angel Tarot, the man is wearing a mask. Now there is a lot of imagery in this card but the mask jumps out at me the most. 

So why does one where a mask? To hide their identity. 

Is hiding information not a form of deception?

So if I'm hiding my identity or who I am from those around me. Am I deceiving the ones I love?

Why are people deceitful?

Do people deceive out of fear? Couldn't deception be considered selfish?

OK so my family is stuck with me. Their cart is hitched to mine through blood. And even though they may get pissed and want to disown me, we will still always be tied together. So in regards to my family, I have a fear of confrontation, of rocking the boat.

I don't like to think of myself as a selfish person. I am a giving kind of person. Awe but there is a man who is special to me. He is in my life by choice. I know that he doesn't exactly hold with what I am or what I do. So by not being open with him about this bit of information about myself could I be deceiving him? Now I'm not lying to him, just not sharing. 

The more I think about it this is also fear based as I'm afraid he will choose to walk away. So I mind my p's and q's and avoid rocking the boat.

I have determined that in order to expect others to accept as I am, as I truly am, I must first be honest about who I am. There can be no more hiding.